I’ve read it somewhere that it takes at least half of your total amount of time with your ex in order to get over it.
I don’t miss him. I don’t miss the old him either. I don’t miss not having someone to love (for now). I have decided I am going to stop looking for someone to love. I am NOT going to put myself through swiping on Timder, it’s just the wrong place for me. I would rather watch paint dry out instead.
This weekend, my friend whom I’ve met at culinary school was in town and I made sure I showed him a good time. He is gay, so I meant I wanted to show him all the cool bars and the fun places. Boy, we partied hard, thanks to my wing girl who also came out to play. If it wasn’t because of an online automated interview that I had to complete before Sunday night, I would have partied for 48 hour straight.
I haven’t drank that much for a while. But it was fun to hang out in gay bars, I felt safe (there were no sleazy men) and I felt peaceful (there were no slutty girls who would pull every man in their sight).
But I felt empty and somewhat a bit disturbed, because my gay friend reminds me a lot of my ex (who turned out to be gay, but still in denial, but this is NOT why I hate him, I might write a blog about what happened one day.) even his behaviours and the stories that my friend was talking about reminded me of my ex. They even both looked very similar, but my friend is better looking though 😉
“Does he remind you of someone?” I whispered to my wing girl. “Yep.” She replied to me with this look, which confirmed that we both know who we were referring to, without saying his name.
Subconsciously these little reminders disturbed a lot of the dust that has settled inside my mind and I had strange dream that night. Yes, I had a lot to drink, but my heart sank. I felt low. I felt the pain again.
I know it’s going to take another couple of years yet to heal, especially the “end of our contract” isn’t due until summer 2018. As we are now half way through June 2017, I am getting more and more wary of the 365 days count down. I know I should distract myself, but my thing with the “Meet Up guy” ended and we are no longer friends (of course we were never friends in the first place, silly me) and now I’ve decided that I am not going to look for love, I need something else to distract me. A job!
Two more days then I should know whether or not I managed to put on the best act for that second round of job interview, which was recorded online, where I was under timed conditions to answer 8 automated questions. It was a strange experience, but I guess that’s just life.
Life. You are a one strange event. I don’t expect it to be linear, I know there will be ups and downs. But come the fuck on, give me something fun please, it’s been 2 and a half years…..!!!! (But it’s been 2.8 years to be exact…)