I’ve started this blog back in July 2016 and had totally forgotten about it. The new year has already arrived and I’ve had three different jobs, relocated three times for those jobs and finally past the three months anniversary of my current job. (By the way, that crazy job around the world turned out to be laced with lies…and as you might have guessed, I don’t like liars after the D! Without going into details, it wasn’t a scam, I might write about it another time…!)
Last night, I’ve finally got to watch “Chef’s table” on Netflix episode one about chef Massimo. I hadn’t realized that my life has been on the go so much for the past couple of years that I hadn’t sat down, with a cup of herbal tea, and watched something that I am interested in, but not too engaging, for a very long time. It was nice. Despite I was sitting on the floor, in a very small bedroom at my parents’ (how cliche is that for a divorcee!), but I have made little changes to make my room more “homey” for myself.
So it turned out chef Massimo is a bit of a romantic mush at heart. I liked their love story. Naturally it made me think about my “future love story”. I think part of the healing process after a traumatic break up, a lot of us want a quick fix. I’ve recently joined a Meet Up group focusing on the book called “Break Up blah blah….” and within the group, I am one of the most “mature divorcee”. Hearing other divorcees’ stories and their current process reminded me of my earlier days…learning how to live alone, make new friends and go through that exhilarating emotional rollercoaster!
I’ve shared my “magic cure”… I said, “you’ve gotta love yourself first” to the group. I made fun about how last Valentine’s Day, I took myself out on a date. I purposely got dressed up and went to Tate Modern in London. I bought myself two pieces of art as a gift to myself. I then went to Wholefoods and bought myself ingredients and cooked myself a steak for dinner. I even made an appetitzer, it was Asparagus crab salad with brunoise vegetables and an orange dressing. I saw that at a class demo and I thought about how I would have made that for someone I love, and that someone now is ME!
If you’ve never tried this concept before and you have recently joined The Divorce Society, try it. Do and say nice things to yourself as you would to someone you’ve once devoted yourself to. If you observe your thoughts and actions, you will realize that you haven’t been that kind to yourself. The self-blame, the self-destruction (poor diet choices, over/under eating/drinking etc)…the list goes on. If our body is the only place that we live in for the rest of our lives, and we know how to love someone else unconditionally, why don’t we love ourselves more, even if it’s a small gesture everyday?
Without learning how to love ourselves first, we cannot realise our full potential and remind ourself that we should stop discounting ourselves and compare with what everyone else is doing on this planet. We need to know our self-worth! If we don’t know this, how do we go about finding someone else who would be compatible to our needs, wants and values in life?
Go on, start taking baby steps today, be kind to yourself. (There is a big difference between self-love and being selfish though!)